Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
