fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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