Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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