My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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