like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
