He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
