I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
