just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
