If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
