Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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