did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
