he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
