Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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