Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
