So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
