Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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