was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Let's get the cat blown out
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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