i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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