so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
