I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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