Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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