Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize