dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
