Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
