I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
