Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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