dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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