I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
