a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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