Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ketchup is God's man juice
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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