Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
