does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
