Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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