before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
