Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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