he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
high people should be assigned attendants
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
