bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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