im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
