Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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