Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
