be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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