I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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