I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Operation Purity has been aborted
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
