i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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