the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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