Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
