He uses pillows to masturbate.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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