Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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