I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
