Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
