i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
