I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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