I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
