there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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