My hair reeks of homosexuality.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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