i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
