I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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