in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
