nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
