I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize