you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
