I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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