So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
