Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
