It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
