i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
