I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
