Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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