Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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