She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
