Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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