well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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