wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
