last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
