he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
