Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
