he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
