Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
