There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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