and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
